Category

movies

• miscellaneous, movies

  best scene ever.

  08.17.08 | Permalink | Comment?

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• miscellaneous, movies, writing

  review four.

  07.21.08 | Permalink | Comment?

  man, i should do more of these, i watch a shitload of movies.

  —

  you don’t mess with the zohan: funny. well, half funny. adam sandler’s getting very formulaic now: funny movie, rob schneider in it in some fashion (he is an awful actor, stop fucking giving him work.), cutesy ending where everything is a-okay. the first half was actually really good, pretty funny. i was laughing. but then the plot actually came back into it and it turned into a huge “ugh god just end the movie already.” festival. i wasn’t expecting punch drunk love, but shit, enough with the same old crap.

  5/10 - half of a good score for half of a good movie.

  —

  harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay: neil patrick harris makes this movie. i couldn’t give a flying fuck about the other two. it’s funny to see the situations they get into, but they were going after some girls that, again, i couldn’t give a fuck about. this is a turn your brain off movie, i know, and maybe if i smoked pot i’d get it. i’ve done my share, but maybe you have to be on it to really laugh.

  3/10 - i’d go out with neil patrick harris, no shit. all three points are for him.

  —

  king of california: now this is the kind of movie you’d expect me to watch. michael douglas pulls off batshit insane perfectly. really fits in the dramedy kind of field, as it has its funny parts, it’s also that awkward funny. not as bad as curb your enthusiasm or anything, just barely. i’m torn between really wanting to have a resolution at the ending and leaving it up to my own brain to dwell on as to what really happened. i like resolution, and this just barely gave me enough to go on.

  8/10 - i’m gonna go dig under sam’s club for shits and giggles.

  —

  in bruges: another ‘my’ kind of movie like the above. and another dramedy. god, i hate that word. from now on it’s drama/comedy. anyway. this was a tough movie to watch, especially near the end. it’s the kind of grit-your-teeth ending. not an action movie, though. also, midgets are hilarious. there goes my credibility as a real reviewer.

  7/10 - ralph fiennes is still dreamy. also, “back off, shorty!”

  —

  the onion movie: holy shit, this was AWESOME. a bit late in its delivery of most of its ‘current event’ jokes, but blame that on the studio that held it back, then sent it direct to video. in any case, knowing the real outcome of the situations that spawned these jokes really only help to further the comedy. the fact that steven seagal can poke fun at himself makes it even more enjoyable. it’s not perfect, far from it, but it was funny, and while it may not be as dry and witty as the onion usually is, i’m sure they had to dumb it down to appeal to (what they thought was) a movie theater audience.

  8.5/10 - “i don’t think you’ve got the BALLS.”

  —

  these reviews were pretty weak. they probably all are. but it’s writing, and i love doing that.

• miscellaneous, movies, writing

  review three.

  01.21.08 | Permalink | Comment?

  more reviews. more stupid opinions.

  —

  beowulf: a little late to the party on this one, but this movie was.. awful. the original story was good, i can get behind that. but good stories don’t always make for good source material for movies. if they had filmed it normally? maybe. maybe they would have pulled it off. but the mix between facial acting and computer-generated-everything-else left it square in the depths of the uncanny valley, making me feel uncomfortable and left it looking like it was trying to be a serious shrek.

  3.5/10 - yawnfest. and weird looking.

  —

  quiz show: good movie. i loved ralph fiennes performance and john turturro was great at making me hate him, great at being a weaselly little shit that you wanted to kick in the nuts at the end. i’ve behind-the-scenes true stories, especially about the beginnings of something (in this case, television and game shows). it was good, but it could be a little slow at some points.

  8/10 - ralph fiennes is so dreamy.

  —

  aachi and ssipak: how the fuck do you classify this? before i tell you about it, think FLCL and multiply it by.. a thousand. here’s the imdb summary: “In a future where energy is made from fecal matter, the government rewards defecation with “juicybars”. Small-time hustlers try to get rich while fending off the mutated Diaper Gang.” how do you review something like that? great animation, crazy as fuck, go watch it.

  8/10 - i feel strange leveling this with quiz show up above, but that’s just how i roll.

  —

  juno: GREAT movie. don’t think of it as “oh teenager gets pregnant drama drama drama resolution all’s well that ends well” kinda movie. it’s smart, and funny, and deserves all the glowing reviews it gets. there’s a strange air around ellen page that was a little weird, all this mature crap spouting out of the mouth that looks like she’s 14 (go see hard candy for an example of that) and leaves her feeling like the reincarnation of tatum o’neal in paper moon. you should see this movie, if only for the music matching so well.

  9/10 - jason bateman is dreamy too. is this place getting too gay?

  —

  shoot ‘em up: this was awful. but it knows it’s awful, so it goes with it. and if you go along with knowing it’s awful, it can be good. unfortunately, no one told me it would be tongue-in-cheek awful, so i was left feeling.. you guessed it, awful. wanna see tits and people being shot for 86 minutes (yeah, it’s pretty short)? then go see this movie. otherwise, eh. snoresville.

  2/10 - tits and violence only go so far.

  —

  tada, my opinion, not yours, but if you’re reading this you might care about my opinion. so there you go!

• miscellaneous, movies, writing

  review two.

  01.11.08 | Permalink | Comment?

  haven’t done one of these in a while. here’s a few movies i’ve seen lately.

  —

  national treasure: book of secrets: was only slightly awful. nicholas cage has these movies where he’s awful, and maybe that’s the writing, but he’s gotta learn to pass on things like this. go back to doing shit like raising arizona. though his cameo in the grindhouse trailers and his role in bringing out the dead were both pretty decent. the plot was.. pretty thin, but then again i guess they didn’t have much to work with when it comes to hiding shit in historical documents. how many times can you do invisible ink before it starts becoming a tad.. stale? yes, people should understand history, and this could be viewed as mildly educational.. probably more than it was entertaining.

  4/10 - p.s. there’s a map on the inside of the pentagon. go find it.

  —

  charlie wilson’s war: would probably been better if i had any idea what was happening for the majority of the movie. if you have no background on what charlie wilson did or who he was, you’ll be left pretty confused. considering the time this movie came out, i was given the impression that all the shit we’re dealing with in afghanistan, we brought on ourselves, considering what we did for them - granted it was to help us in the short run, but fucked us in the long run. is that right? i’m pretty ignorant. anyway. tom hanks was awesome, philip seymour hoffman was even better, but it was all ultimately very forgettable.

  7.5/10 - i should pay more attention to politics. though i was just a kid when this all happened.

  —

  the bucket list: i’ll admit, i had man tears at the end of this one. this movie was good. one of those heart-warmer-type flicks. jack nicholson is great back in comedy like he was in as good as it gets and something’s gotta give. as a person who thinks he’s living with quite a few regrets, at least watching characters cross off said regrets off their OWN list was pretty satisfying. it was good, but that’s all it was, really, when i look back on it.

  9/10 - maybe i should make a bucket list of my own. but that’s pretty morbid to do when you’re 25, right?

  —

  wristcutters: a love story: was fucking weird. i mean, i guess it makes sense that suicides would end up either a) in hell, if you believe the bible or b) in purgatory in about the same life they led before, if you believe in karma. is that how reincarnation works? buddhists are strange. and why is shannyn sossamon hot in whatever she does? i think she’s hot period. and i can’t picture this kid from almost famous playing any other role. in fact, i don’t think he does. the bewildered teenager in some crazy situation. wait, there was a plot? oh, right, they fall in love. something like that.

  4/10 - would have been a 3, but dude, it had will arnett in it.

  —

  no country for old men: holy shit. the coen brothers have this unnatural way of making their movies so.. goddamn creepy if they want them to be. the main assassin for one. creepiest dude in a movie i’ve seen in a long, long while. i argued with paul that my only real beef with this movie was how.. well.. i can’t tell you. it was something that was very important, at least to me, and it was off-screen, and felt.. inconsequential to the coen brothers. paul said that’s how they do things. well fuck you, coen brothers, you just lost half a point. ‘cos i’m sure you care what a moron on a blog thinks. anyway, if you can get past the bloodiness of this movie, it’s crazy awesome.

  9/10 - you keep runnin’ that mouth, i’m gonna take you in the back and screw you.

  —

  there you go. five movies i’ve seen lately. i’ll do another five sometime later.

• family, friends, miscellaneous, movies, photography

  picture dump 10: old ones too.

  09.26.07 | Permalink | Comment?

  i don’t know why, but i haven’t taken pictures off of my phone since november of last year. here we go in chronological order.

  october - december 2006:

  
  driving on 264 in a bad storm.

  
  my dad’s cat, george.

  
  the following morning after i took care of george for the night.

  
  we had a bad storm in november and it flooded a lot of the neighborhood.

  
  and yes, those are people standing almost on top of a downed power line

  
  shag went riding to the grocery store after his doctor’s visit.

  
  and here’s why, he had a bit of an abscess on the side of his head.

  
  
  went to a christmas party for mom’s school, here they’re talking and doing the electric slide.

  
  dad and stephanie at chili’s.

  
  i think katy told me to delete this picture. i didn’t.

  
  check THAT out, jim’s in washington! it’s a miracle!

  january - may 2007:

  
  atari in kerosene heater heaven.

  
  paul at a bar? i can’t remember where we were.

  
  my cats don’t get along very well. technically atari gets along, but lindsay wants nothing to do with it.

  
  
  paul and mark before paul’s trip to batam/singapore for the summer.

  june - september 2007:

  
  just another bonfire.

  
  left to right: joe h’s fiance, joe h, leigh ann, joe, kate, alan.

  
  dad at charleston on what little beach the resort had.

  
  
  for some reason i was trying to take a picture of myself (to send to someone, i’d guess) and dad noticed, and put his hand in front of my face each time i tried to take a picture.

  
  i was absolutely bombed that night on screwdrivers, and this was a bar that used to be a church. felt kind of sacreligious.

  
  my eleven year old car finally hit 70,000 miles.

  two movies (open in quicktime):

  sept 2nd, 2006, 10:24pm
  raleigh put on an open-air show with presidents of the usa.

  july 14th, 2007, 11:55pm
  we get bored, we add fire. we’re not bored anymore.

• friends, games, lyrics, movies

  when he catches his reflection on accident.

  04.24.06 | Permalink | Comment?

  being sick sucks. fucking. dick. and apparently it’s bronchitis. yay! i must have caught it early with the antibiotics i started taking, cos it’s a little better today. i’m not coughing with each breath. nose clear, i don’t cough. if i don’t keep it clear, that’s another story.

  still have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow for, if anything, replacing the antibiotics i’m using that are actually my sister’s. she had a full bottle of cefadroxil around for when she thought she had a sinus infection.

  i picked up kingdom hearts 2 and grandia 3 with all the gift certificates best buy sent me after dad bought that flatscreen TV, and i haven’t felt like playing either. kind of understandable, but i don’t feel like playing really any game, at the moment. i played through condemned, but that was all of.. ten hours? if even that. it was pretty decent for a game built in nine months though.

  sorrow drips into your heart
  through a pin-hole
  just like a faucet that leaks
  and there is comfort in the sound

  but while you debate
  half-empty or half-full
  it slowly rises
  your love is gonna drown

  i’ve never become sick of this song. if i hear it, i won’t turn it off. i might not want to hear it if i have a choice of something else at the time, but i won’t turn it off.

  which reminds me. i got bitched at for not going to see death cab with jana. no offense to her, but i completely forgot that i could ask her to go with me instead of the brushoff girl that was too paranoid to meet me. (we had spoken for months beforehand [i've written about her here], she mentioned that i was “expecting too much” and we haven’t spoken since. god forbid i want to *gasp* just hang out with you. gimme a break.) well, that was fifty dollars well spent. at least it wasn’t my money. hooray poker!

  i’ve got a garden! yeah, it’s like.. 3ft by 1ft and it’s currently growing the only plant i give a shit to grow: sunflowers. mammoth sunflowers. if i take care of them and they grow (i planted fifteen seeds, haw!), they can reach up to seven to twelve feet! :D sunflowers rock. they’re huge and they’re fuckin’ happy. turn to the rising sun in the east, head up at noon, watch the sun go down, and then look down and go to sleep.

  on saturday, we saw silent hill. katy and i had huge expectations of this movie, and i was told that “what it does good, it does extremely well, but what it does bad, it does horrendously.” which was absolutely true. the dialog was god. fucking. awful. i could get better acting from a cardboard box, and i’m not even a director. but the monsters and setting could not have been better. absolutely fucking true of the game series, and made me want to play #2 again. the story of the movie was fucking convoluted and retarded, but the same could be said for the first game - at least that was a little more.. held together. all in all, for the five bucks i paid to see it, it was.. OKAY. not great, not horrible. OKAY.

  may go play golf on wednesday. that ought to be.. frustrating. at least the course’ll be a little less crowded since it’s a weekday.

• movies

  review one.

  03.10.06 | Permalink | 3 Comments

  so i realized i watch a lot of movies. apparently. to pass the time, for background noise, whatever. i didn’t really realize how much until i looked at all the DVDs i used burning them. SO i thought i’d give you my opinion on the movies i watch from now on. not that you particularly care, but it’s my blog, and my opinion, and you can shove it. :)

  —

  videodrome: okay what? i had seen its pseudo-sequel-by-the-same-director existenz (which wasn’t that great either) before videodrome, seeing as how i was one year old when this movie came out, and even that wasn’t a very good movie. i’m not quite sure who gave the director money to make a SEQUEL of this james woods (he looks young as fuck in this flick) crappy horrorfest. yeah, yeah, television is bad. too bad you get paid to make movies, cronenberg.

  3/10 - cos james woods is awesome in anything. even hercules for shit’s sake.

  —

  the village: i went into this movie knowing the big secret. if you haven’t seen it, and don’t know the big secret, hi! you must be new to the internet. i hope you enjoy your last days of sanity, this place is disgusting. here’s your first stain: the village is set and living in the 1800s in a wildlife preserve owned by a dead billionaire and run by elders who, in 1970, left 1970 to live in a ‘no crime in this time period!’ world, the rest of the world is 2005 and oblivious. whoops. just screwed it for you. you’re better off.

  anyhow. it was a good idea in theory, but m. night bananarama’s thin writing left it feeling kinda drawn out and overdramatized. the fact that all of the ‘elders’ would follow the idea of one single man and his knowledge of history to change their lives nigh irrevocably seems pretty stupid as is, much less that no one would have FOUND the village in.. what, 20 years? come on, drunk kids do stupid things. no camper/hiker/bird lover ever found a hole to go exploring and camping? yeah. okay.

  2/10 - only ‘cos adrian brody plays a cool retard. i hate william hurt.

  —
  
  nochnoi dozor / night watch: this series is quickly becoming one of my favorites yet. the matrix can go fuck itself, this is a good trilogy. the plot may be a tad convoluted, but i blame that half on the translation, half on the writers. so it’s not totally bad. i saw this.. last year, and rewatched it again a week ago. it’s a lot like underworld in the setting and genre, but there’s a difference: this movie doesn’t blow goats, underworld did. i really liked the effects in this movie, which oddly enough, it doesn’t rely completely on, though the dialog is a tad thin and doesn’t explain a whole lot. russians don’t speak much, i guess.

  8/10 - konstantin khabensky is a cool actor.

  —

  dnevnoy dozor / day watch: more of the same, continuing from where the first movie left off. this just recently came out and since i forgot a lot of what went on night watch, i watched ‘em both. i can say that the effects in this one were a lot more.. grandeur? but still used sparingly enough so that it was enjoyable on its own. plus everyone’s kicking everyone else’s ass to get a piece of chalk. crazy russians. the weird thing is, this is supposed to be a trilogy and with this movie, it ends pretty much like it was just a pair of movies. it’ll be interesting to see how they can pull off the third movie with the way this one ended.

  7/10 - i still like the first one more.

  —

  a history of violence: another goddamn movie with william hurt. crap. and david cronenberg too! dammit. i’ll put that to the side for now. this was a decent movie, and any movie where ed harris gets to act the bad guy is cool in my book. he’s always some rescue hero or a befuddled suitor or someshit, here he gets to play a dude with a scar on his face! rock. this movie was really. fucking. slow. paced. be ready for it if you see it, you kinda wanna punch yourself in the leg and lean forward and say “GET ON WITH IT.” it’s good to see viggo mortensen can do more than slay ogres and the like. i was wondering if the people from LOTR were going to be typecast forever. but he’s creepy as shit as a normal guy, it’s something i can’t put my finger on. but the sex scenes.. yikes. cronenberg knows how to do those well. but endings.. he’s not so good at. shit, look at videodrome.

  6/10 - ED HARRIS IS CRAZY, NIGGA, CRAZY!

  —

  what dreams may come: JESUS CHRIST THIS MOVIE IS DEPRESSING, and pretty damn slow moving, too. i know it’s supposed to portray the peaceful side of life, the peaceful side of heaven, i know, but you don’t have to stretch things (the revelation of his kids, for instance) out so they drag down the film. there were a couple of things about this that REALLY irked me though. first of all, when he’s in hell, he steps on his dad’s face. then says you’re not my dad, and moves on. what the fuck was that about? anyone wanna explain that to me? in heaven, you can take on any form you want, right? in hell, apparently you can’t - his wife, case in point. so it was his father, his father got 10 seconds of screen time and i’m left stupider for not knowing what the shit that was all about. it also shifts between religions. i’m not saying that that’s bad, it’s just disorienting. christianity believes if you kill yourself, you go to hell. as in the case of his wife, but back before that, they mention rebirth. reincarnation. buddhism. kaaaay.. also where’s gee-whiz and jay-dog? even in heaven a brother can’t see the savior? what a gyp. plus naked cuba gooding jr. for 1/3rd of the film? ooooo-kee dokee.

  4/10 - yawn. also naked cuba. YES, HE WAS FUCKING NAKED, BLURRY OR NOT.

  —

  king kong: this movie deserved all the praise it got from critics and award shows. it is the only three hour movie in EXISTANCE that can keep your attention for every one hundred and eighty minutes. 180.. that’s 3 hours right? right. god, i’m retarded. anyway. jack black actually does a great job with this almost-serious character. they gave him a couple of scenes of comedy ‘cos shit, that’s what he does best. but all’s fair. what really surprised me about this flick was the amount of time they spent getting to, wandering around on, and leaving the island, and it actually made it a lot more interesting. what the fuck can kong do in new york for three hours? flip cars, smash trains, climb buildings, die - YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, HE DIES. it’s not much of a spoiler ‘cos he fucking died in the first one, moron! at least in this one he gets to romp around the more-interesting-than-new-york jungle.

  10/10 - was a 9.9 but slapstick vaudville naomi watts gets another tenth of a point.

  —

  more later when my fingers aren’t broken.

• friends, miscellaneous, movies, poker

  oh dear, i really ought to do something.. but.. i am already in my pajamas.

  02.04.06 | Permalink | 1 Comment

  my fucking head is killing me. all these weather changes.. twenty, seventy, thirty-five, sixty.. my sinuses are going to explode. not to mention the fact that tonight i smoked a crap cigar, drank crap beer, and watched two movies (one movie technically - kill bill vol1+2) for four hours with the only lightsource being the TV. no wonder all the anime i watch tells me to sit back from the TV and watch in a brightly lit room.

  anyhow. i went over around seven to joe’s, and they were playing knock for a dollar a hand. if you don’t know, you get five cards. you draw/discard like gin to make the best poker hand possible, and when you think you have the best hand, you knock on the table, the others have one more draw to get their hand in shape and then you lay down. i started out with zero dollars - mark loaned me a dollar to play - and came away with 10 dollars. woo.

  later that night, we played hold ‘em for a five dollar buy-in and i lost, but at least paul won. pretty sure he needed it. but then again so do i. i have seven dollars to my name until.. well, until i register for school, which i have to do by monday at noon. but that’s a different story for when my head isn’t pounding.

  getting colder out. they’re calling for rain tomorrow.. rain monday, and - according to my aunt - snow on tuesday. fat chance.

  tired. sleep. adios.

• anime, bitch, movies, television

  you really should blink. ‘cos blinking shows that you’re human, alright?

  01.20.06 | Permalink | 3 Comments

  cosplayers make me want to vomit. every one of them should not be dressing up as anime characters. you’re a fag. no, stop fucking doing it. no. i don’t care if this character is the best thing to ever be drawn, no. FUCK, STOP DRESSING AS INUYASHA. YES, GIRLS THINK HE’S CUTE BUT THESE GIRLS ARE USUALLY FAT AND UGLY AND HAVE NO BUSINESS DRESSING AS RIKKU FROM FINAL FANTASY WHATEVER. actually wait, go ahead, dress like inuyasha. i’m thinking that’s the only way you’ll ever get any. just be sure to search that rikku cosplayer for a penis.

  if you like anime, good. like it with your friends? good. don’t dress up and go to conventions. it’s creepy.

  except for you sami, you’re hot as shit and you can dress up as whatever the fuck you want. so long as it’s in my bedroom and your costume consists of a 12″ long piece of silk.

  been watching a lot of home movies. john mcguirk is the best character on the planet. maybe i should dress up like him and go to a convention! HUHUHUH.

  watched hostel, jarhead, and syriana. hostel wasn’t anything really fantastic. kinda predictable and boring. only one scene really made me cringe and that’s just ‘cos it was nasty. syriana was pretty good. written by the guy who did traffic - so think traffic, but with oil instead of drugs.

  i should probably watch traffic.

  jarhead was good. quirky, black comedy/drama - a lot like most other movies i like. adaptation, eternal sunshine. i think if kaufman wrote a war movie, this might have been it. he might have made it funnier, but. whatever.

  it’s late. i’m gonna finish up this episode of home movies, complain more about my back hurting, and go to bed.

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