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i still think about you even though you can be a bit of a drama queen. the package as an example. i stepped back when you asked, thanks for holding up your end. really.
in any case, i’m not here to bitch. that’s a totally different category. more like whine, i think. is there a word for in-between? you pop in my head every now and then. half wish you’d get out half wish you’d stay in.
so here’s a song for you. but who’s singing to whom?
just want the words? fast forward to 4:30. i know how you get impatient.
Download Death Cab - I Will Possess Your Heart
foo fighters!
so we leave on friday around noon, haul ass to concord and hang out at concord mills (dave and busters is fucking expensive. two bucks for an arcade game? fuck that.), before heading to dad’s house, then the concert.
first of all, the opening band blew. punk sucks, sorry. the stage setup they had was less impressive than QotSA also, and the sound in the arena fucking BLEW. but maybe that’s why my ears aren’t ringing as much this time around. (though dave grohl’s screaming did more damage to my ears than the music itself did.)
i went out for a smoke and i was standing next to a cute, tall girl and her token ugly friend. i look at my watch, 7:50.
“..have time.” i look up and the cute girl is smiling at me. my brain interprets: do you have the time?
“7:50.”
“..have time,” again, still smiling. i smile back kind of awkwardly, and go back to looking at nothing and smoking. 15 seconds pass and i realize what the fuck she said:
“you have time.” as in, til the foo fighters take the stage. huhuh. she’d left since then so i didn’t get the chance to not look like a moron.
ANYWAY. i go in and wait in line (nearly pushed over, balancing on one foot by this inconsiderate fuck pushing past me to get to another line) for a beer at $5.25, then go back up to sit with joe next to the horrendously ugly woman next to me. joe stole my ticketed seat when we first sat down (his ticket was 12, mine was 11 - he claimed ‘i paid for the tickets.’ - can’t really argue with that), and the foo fighters take the stage. all.. eight of them. what the fuck? anyway.
dave grohl is a chatty bitch but that’s okay, cos at least he was funny. they played an assortment of songs (not as many early foo as i’d like, but they did play ‘i’ll stick around’ which i was apeshit for, plus pat smear was there! woo.) - they also played ’stacked actors’ which was awesome to hear.. til dave forgot the words. seriously. he walked back to the band and held his hands up trying to get them to stop, they didn’t. so he kinda shrugged, walked back to the mic and said he was just going to make shit up, one of the lines being “i’ve totally fucked up this show.” which got a laugh. they hit the chorus and he picked it back up. stacked actors is also their jam song, apparently. he wandered into the audience about 7-10 rows down from us and did a guitar competition with his lead still up on stage.
between a few songs, they introduced the band, who did some really shitty solos to show off their stuff, and the fiddle player they had did this solo that sounded like something *I* could have played on the fiddle. which isn’t saying much.
the rest of the concert was good, although unremarkable, they came back after for an encore of five songs. which in retrospect is probably just shortening the actual show so you can seem awesome about playing five more songs when most bands play one or two more. guess i’m just being picky.
anyway, want some pictures? i hate how when you zoom in on my phone, it zooms, but it also crops the fuck out of the pictures so instead of a nice zoomed 1.3mp picture, you get a nice zoomed 320×240 picture. take what you can get, i guess. more pictures when joe gets his phone’s pictures to me. some are good, some are not so good, take what i give you.



there’s even a movie! shitty as it may be, it’s the pause between when he finishes his solo everlong part and the band kicks in. open it in quicktime.
alrighty. that’s enough concerts for me for a while.
joe, kelly ray, alan, and i went to norfolk, va for the queens of the stone age concert tonight. last night. whatever.
i was designated driver, so they paid for my ticket/food. alan was bombed out of his mind before we even got there, and was.. pretty obnoxious (even so far as to put ice down my shirt on the way back). but that paled in comparison to the concert. it was damn good, barring one of the opening bands that blew dicks. the second opener was awesome. howling rain or something..
after 5-6 songs, i went out for a smoke and to sit down (you see, i suffer from this problem that happens when stand and watch something for too long, my muscles hurt.. it’s uh.. what’s it called. oh. laziness.) and went back in for the last song and encore. just missed one obscure song i didn’t remember and ‘make it wit’chu’ which i kinda wished i had saw. couldn’t make it back up to the front where i was after i had gone out, so i stood in the back and had no problem seeing them. yay for small arenas, and yay for being 6′4″.
anyway, here are some pictures. the stage setup was pretty awesome.
my ears are still ringing. only bad part.
part two will be up around october 6th or 7th.
i should write, right? it’s not that i don’t have the words to write, it’s simply coming up with the motivation to describe my daily mundane bullshit activities to you after living them in all their boringness!
i went on a music scour recently. grabbed four new albums that really caught my.. ear? muse’s “black holes and revelations”, jackson and his computer band’s “smash”, spoon’s “gimme fiction”, and modest mouse’s “we were dead before the ship even sank.” of the four, i’m currently listening to muse’s new album. well, new to me. i put off ‘discovering’ muse cos i simply figured they were another british band, coldplay, oasis, wah wah wah. i was pleasantly surprised, they rock a lot harder than i thought. it’s sort of like queen mixed with depeche mode on a heavier scale.
rome is over! i haven’t watched the last episode, yes, the absolute last episode ever. HBO has this thing with killing shows off at the peak of their awesomeness. except the sopranos. someone needs to kick that shit off the air early.
played through a few games since we last spoke, neverwinter nights 2 is over, played through s.t.a.l.k.e.r. twice. well.. one and a half times (i love chernobyl and urban desolation, so this game was fantastic. explore the reactor and kill shit). once i got done with NW2, i tried out the lord of the rings online beta, and got sucked into that for a month or two. around a week before the end of the beta (which was.. two days ago, i think) i lost interest in it cos i knew my character was going to be wiped. what’s the point? open beta starts on the 30th, though, i’ll probably go back and check it out.
this weekend was busy in a slow sort of way. i edited video for hours on end. edit, convert, convert, convert, burn. rinse, repeat. it took.. a while.
there are other things in my life that need attention, but like any other good procrastinator, i put them off until it all piles up in the last minutes and freak the fuck out. it’s a wonderful life. at least the weather here is gorgeous. supposed to be in the 80’s tomorrow.
been helping (or trying to help) paul out with his relationship woes. i won’t go into detail here, but it’s been an ordeal. he actually has a blog here like mark does, but paul’s never used his, and i don’t think mark has recently either.
in the ongoing saga of dealing with my dad, he called saturday and i, busy working on mom’s videos, forgot to call him back. expecting to be blasted out of the water on sunday for it when we went over to greenville to visit, he instead was all cheery and happy, and gave me a treo 650 that he wasn’t using anymore. kinda knocked me on my ass, but whatever. stephanie was quick to get in a fight though, complaining that because he was really mad at US, that he took it out on stephanie, so she went and pouted, sulked until we left. blah blah blah. who cares. you can’t see it right now, but i’m making a jerk-off motion in the air.
so i haven’t talked to my dad in a week. normally if he was on a trip, this wouldn’t bother me. of course, he’s not on a trip, and we’re still not talking to each other. i believe he stiffed me on the housesitting job i did for him two weekends ago, and called him on it. we got into an argument, i hung up on him, we haven’t had a real conversation since.
we did have one, though. i don’t count that. it was on.. sunday, i think. and it was strained harder than a guitar string. we both said a total of ten words before the conversation was over. hi, how are you, good, talk to you later, bye.
but you know what’s weird? the feeling of telling him off was empowering. like, fuck you, i don’t need you anymore. you’ve shit on me enough, and i finally realize what the rest of my family is saying when they hate seeing me under your thumb. so i’m done being your slave. and you know what i did this week? applied for a job. at ebgames, and i really hope i get it. one, cos i loved working at ebgames, and two, cos i need some fucking money. my insurance is going up in january.
i don’t want to give him the credit for it. i really don’t, and i’m not going to, i’m not going to tell him about it. and i told my family not to tell him about it. he’s always been saying “i don’t care if you hate me for it later down the road, i want you to do this for your future.” or someshit, and it’s infuriating to think that he might think himself the victor in this little bullshit plan i call my life.
i’m also thinking of visiting evan. i don’t really care anymore what other people might think of me for it. my friends already know, my family knows about him, so. i mean what the fuck.
talk about empowered.
mark got a job at best buy. even though he said he’s done with retail. hopefully he’ll enjoy that more. i know i will, after using his megadiscount. haw.
anyway. i finished FF12. if FF7 was a 8, FF10 was a 6, FF10-2 was a 7, FF12 would be a 9. if you liked tactics, you’ll love this. i thought i’d be bored out of my mind by another turn-based RPG but as it turns out, the ability to move around freely and avoid battles (ala FF11, if you’ve played that) if you want to is a huge boon to me. i clocked about eighty hours total once i had finished it all up, and i STILL didn’t do everything. i did about.. 90% though. only a few optional bosses i left out considering i didn’t want to level up to 80 or 90 just to get some ultimate weapon or something i’d only use for the remaining hour of the game that i had left to play.
been playing contact for the DS, and okami for the ps2. contact is getting frustrating and boring, okami kinda hurts my eyeballs after a while. so, i might give bully or god hand a try.
though it’s all rather meaningless, considering phantasy star universe comes out tomorrow. i don’t care how many games i have to trade in, i’m getting it, god dammit. i may be broke, but this is a necessary purchase. food? that can wait. this is necessary.
which, by the way, this track that i’ve been listening to reminds me of the music from PSO, so here you go.
time goes by at such a pace
it’s funny how it’s easy to forget her face
you hide the cracks the facts will find you
turn your back and leave the lonely days behind you, now
you better put it behind you now
you better put it behind you now
too much to hold on, hold on to
you better put it behind you now
i bury myself in music. i can’t get enough. i find a new artist, a new album, or a new single and drive it into the ground over and over and over with repeated listenings. i’ll get sick of that single and give the rest of the album a try, and usually find another song that’s awesome and repeat the process (unless the artist is consistently awesome, then i’ll listen to it all in one sitting), until i’m so sick of the whole album that i can’t stand hearing it for another few months. then i’ll rediscover it again and the process repeats altogether.
music narrates my life. i can’t go anywhere without my ipod, and it’s almost always on shuffle. i can look at my pictures, my logs, my writing and see what music was influencing me at that period in time. music creates strange memories at strange times, and you never forget them.
you relate to music, you make it your own. the lyrics of someone else become your lyrics. your images, you relate line x in song y to person z. or place z. time z, so on and so forth. jana calls it “soundtracking her life” - and it works pretty well. i’ve done that before. years ago, i made a double CD with every song i felt that described every emotion i could possibly fathom and even then two cd’s weren’t nearly enough. i felt i had to limit it somewhere. it stayed in my car’s CD changer for two and a half years, i think. even made an album cover, jacket, so on and so forth. i called it, appropriately, “soundtrack to your life”
i’m sure if i listened to it now i’d break down crying, considering most of the songs were during the last few years of high school and i was intensely depressed.
today i heard a song that i haven’t heard in years, semisonic’s “singing in my sleep” and while it never brought up any specific memories, it created a new one: mary. i was thinking of our conversation/e-mails the other night and it’s now buried in my head, and i’m sure years from now when i hear that song again, it’ll come up the way it did today.
you’re leaving so soon?
never had a chance to bloom
but you were so quick
to change your tune.
don’t look back
if i’m a weight around your neck
’cause if you don’t need me,
then i don’t need you.
things change, people change. i’m moving forward, albeit slowly.
i’m in a progressive stage.
i was on my way back to washington when the smashing pumpkins’ “1979″ came on the radio. almost immediately it reminded me of two things:
in midlothian, i grew up with a guy named david. he was my best friend from.. four, five years old til i moved, 16. one of my most vivid memories of him is driving down a highway in my car around midnight in a summer month (i had just gotten my license that year) with the windows down, listening to, oddly enough, the smashing pumpkins’ “appels + oranjes” - now when i listen to it, it’s incredibly depressing. we lost contact after i moved, he went off to college. i’m not sure what he’s doing now.
the second memory was of a dance. my mom set up friday night dances for middle schoolers at the local church gym and they fucking took off - that was the place to be on friday. when she started it, i was in the 3rd or 4th grade, so i mainly helped behind the scenes in setting things up and the like. the kids were given two tickets for drinks, i took the tickets, gave drinks, etc. i’d also take the DJ drinks throughout the night. this particular night, i didn’t know what the DJ wanted, so i took three different cups, sprite, diet coke, and regular coke, i think. the DJ took one of the cokes, and i started walking back to the kitchen next to the gym with two drinks in my hands.
on my way there, some guy who thought he was impressing some girl by dancing like a dumbfuck and smashed into me, spraying the drink in my left hand all over me. for some reason, totally unlike myself, i got pissed. i turned and threw the other drink at him and walked off back to the kitchen, laughing. i got in trouble for it, and the guy came to the kitchen window and sneered at me and pointed, and said “you’re DEAD.” - i was still laughing when he walked off.
it was kind of a dickish thing to do, but for some reason i wasn’t in the best of moods, or something snapped.. doing something like that wasn’t really in my nature, but it happened anyway.
the dances were exciting to me then because i got to work behind everything, and when it came my turn to go to the dances, i did, but i found them to be pretty.. boring. i wasn’t an outgoing guy in the first place, much less for dancing with girls. i did, but rarely. i’ll tell you the story of the twins some other time.
SAID LESBIAN IS ANGRY I REFERENCE HER ONLY AS “LESBIAN”
her name is Jana and she’s awesome.
woke up today almost doubled over in pain. either the medication i took last night for the pulled muscle in my back fucked my stomach up, or it was my sister’s ’salted death chinese food’ that she messed up on in making but i ate anyway. or it could have been that midnight snack of a sub from quiznos that tasted really funny. i can’t keep track of the bad stuff i put in my body, it’s too numerous.
i’m excited to have all this space and bandwidth. i’m sure i’ll find a way to use it. maybe.
i don’t know what happened with wordpress when i upgraded my package, maybe it’s mysql/php having been upgraded, but i don’t like this new text editor. give me a textarea box and i’m happy.
here’s a way to use the bandwidth:
the cardigans - i need some fine wine and you, you need to be nicer
grab that.